Accepting people for who and what they are can be difficult sometimes; there’s always the nagging itch to get something a bit more out of them, or to see if you can shape them a bit more into what you want them to be.
I had this mini epiphany yesterday while I was out catching up with someone I haven’t seen in a long time. While we weren’t exactly not talking, I was a bit sore that they hadn’t contacted me and asked to hang out because, you know, I’m important and big things have been happening in my life. That said, they had excellent reasons for their radio silence and I’m glad that I didn’t blank them out of my life because in their own way they are a very good friend. They try hard, they care and they want to be there and celebrate the good times with us.
It’s easier to do with family – you know they’re always going to be around in your life, particularly the older generations and so you make allowances for a slightly racist grandparent, a slightly obnoxious uncle and you try not to get onto topics that will set anything off. At least that’s the sort of approach I employ with my family, and I love them all dearly so it must work in some sense!
When Hairy and I announced the news upon the book of face, there were a lot of people that congratulated us. Some of whom seemed to just come out of the woodwork to reinstate themselves as a presence, maybe some angling for an invitation or something. I don’t know, and honestly I can’t think of many friends at the moment that I would want to invite to the wedding. Going back to the original point – I accept that these are people that I won’t see regularly or even care much about, but they’re being friends in the way that they can be.
I like having facebook since it gives me a way of keeping in touch with certain people that I don’t want to lose touch with – one who’s in Warwick, another in Iceland at the moment. The thing that I don’t like at the moment is that it gives people that I don’t want to hear from a way of knowing my news and getting in touch.
My ex contacted me on my graduation day just to say congratulations. I didn’t reply straight away because I’ve been busy, but despite what I was advised I replied today with a brief message because I don’t like to be rude and it was bugging me. I hate that he does this. I don’t want to hear from him, but I feel obliged to reply because I’m a nice person. I go for months without thinking about him and then he messages me and it’s frustrating that I end up thinking about him again and I don’t want it in my life. He knows about my engagement and there are always going to be connections between us due to our mutual friends, but I’ve made a decision and blocked him from contacting me on facebook since I can’t trust him to keep his word about not wanting to be friends. I accepted that was his decision, and it was hurtful since I thought we could be friends. It feels better to have made that decision, and I’m not going to make it easy for him to find out about my life any more. He gave up that when he didn’t want to be friends. Last time I rant about this, promise!
So, acceptance can be really hard sometimes. It’s hard to accept when I’m wrong and do hurtful things, when Hairy does things that upset me or when friends aren’t the people I want them to be. Instead I’m going to try to get on in my life and appreciate the things that people do since that might be all they are able to do and sometimes those things are bigger than others.
My maternal grandfather sent me a congratulations card, complete with message and a cheque so that Hairy and I could have a celebratory drink on him. He wrote “May all your troubles be little ones”. It wasn’t a big effort on his part, but it was another lovely and unexpected gesture that made my day. Mops spoke to me yesterday and is offering to help us get a venue that we want for the wedding in a way that we weren’t sure would be possible. I am more than lucky to have people who want to be a part of my life and do what they make it special.