Sometimes it is a dangerous thing to step out of your front door. I’m not saying that my life is particularly difficult or special, but sometimes I do have to be that little bit braver to step outside.
I’ve had this thought and this discussion a hundred times before – I’m not a goth. I don’t really dress like one, I don’t particularly like all the music and I definitely don’t identify as a goth. That said, when I was younger I did want that. I can also understand why people think that today – black eyeliner and clothes that don’t come from Primark are a dead giveaway, clearly.
Yet it can be hard sometimes. I like the things I wear, otherwise I wouldn’t wear them. Today was one of those occasions – I wore a hoody, shorts, an awesome red rose shirt and boots. The thing that really made me a target for curious stares, whispered comments and the occasional shout was the fact that I wore my Christmas present from Hairy. Hairy bought me a rainbow wizard hat which is totally amazing and I love it.
Unfortunately it doesn’t stay on my head very well so I anchored it with hair grips which meant I had to wear it all day. You probably wouldn’t expect the amount of attention I got from something as simple as wearing a colourful hat.
Thing is, you people are probably lovely and don’t care how someone chooses to express themselves. Sadly my city is full of people who still feel it’s fine to comment, whisper, point and abuse people who don’t fit the status quo. I’m still not saying that my life is hard – I’m privileged and I am totally okay with that. I just wish that I could go out wearing a hat without having to spend the rest of my time outside avoiding other peoples’ eyes so I don’t antagonise anyone.
I don’t really mind being defined as the “goth girl” at work – that label really does apply to me better than anyone else I work with but I do so wish that it wasn’t my only defining characteristic. Working in retail is a funny old thing – I see a lot of people, but I don’t remember their faces. I can be approached by a customer and not be able to pick them out of a crowd two minutes later. I guess there’s a lot of anonymity in working with such large numbers of people – the only time I really look at anyone is if they interest me (friends or people with intriguing inquiries), or at the very end of the transaction when we both do the awkward “make eye contact and say thank you” moment.
Today is a self indulgent post (I’ve had four slices of bread and butter today and three pints of cider. I’ll leave you to make your own mind up), but sometimes it’s good just to let it out.
I’m trying to be pro-active, promise. I’ve finished two tiny wire trees (one with rose quartz leaves and one without) and another butterfly. Wedding things are a bit in the air at the moment as I’m still deciding on many things (who even knew you needed to get wedding presents??) and Hairy is a little bit pants at this all.