Runes and Rhinestones

I'm a modern day Viking, navigating my way through a stormy sea of stuff.

A letter to myself.

I don’t do well being ill. I’ve got something that I’m going to call the flu because I don’t have anyone around me to contradict me and the flu sounds much nastier than a cold. It’s also necessitated two (TWO) days off work, and I haven’t even reached the point of sick-not-working (my hours start at 11 and it’s only 9.30) and I’m bored witless and so started composing a letter to my immune system as a bucking up activity. Here goes.

“Dear Self,

I am writing in complaint. I would like to address my letter to whoever has been responsible for the appalling mis-use of resources that has led to the recent disruption of usual services over the past few days. I would like the person responsible to be held to the highest discipline, and frankly feel like they are not up to the position of immune system manager.

Being ill is boring. I disapprove mightily of the negligence that has led to this state of affairs – I have nothing of worth to be doing with my time, and as such am wasting copious amounts of time on the internet which is unacceptable behaviour. Or I’m staring out of the window sighing gustily and rhapsodising about the sun glinting off windows in such pretty ways. Again, not a particularly fun way to spend my days.

I also disapprove of my face’s current mission to expel all its innards into outtards. That’s probably way too much information for the most of you, but I can tell you it’s worse on this side of things. This is mostly why I’ve stayed at home – no one wants a sick waitress handling their food and drinks, and it’s better to stay here and not be infectious in public.

It’s a beautiful day outside and I’m stuck here on the sofa feeling sorry for myself. I slept all yesterday, so I’m not tired today. This has had the unexpected side effect that I’m spending all my money as a) I’m on the internet waaaaaay too much and b) the internet has all the things and I just got paid. I just bought a present for my sister and my bunny.

Luckily both those things needed buying, so at least I’m not wasting money on needless things.

In summation, body, I’d like you to buck up and stop feeling ill so I can get back to doing stuff I like and not spending all my money on the interwebs.

Okay? Thanks and bye,

Me.”

See, I don’t like being ill. I hate having to take time off work, and I really don’t like having to spend all my time inside when the world is pretty and I’m feeling better than I did yesterday.

Unfortunately Hairy and I are in a bit of a conundrum. Heather, our bunny, is having to go to the vets tonight because she’s got a nasty red patch on one of her hind legs, and so Hairy was in a mood to spoil her and has nearly bought her a giant hutch/run to go in the back garden. Would be great, except then we’d definitely get another pet and we’d never end up going traveling. It’s all those little things that keep having to be thought about – family holiday next year, sounds great. Oh wait! How does it fit in with the idea of going abroad?

I don’t know. I guess it’s just the illness talking, but right now I want all the pets and that’s not a sensible life choice.

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Yes, this is a moan filled post.

Life is being eaten up in a never ending cycle of work, eat, sleep and repeat. Even worse than before the wedding, time is slipping away and I’m just not catching up with anything.

Everything’s happening in super short bursts – I work for four hours straight. I go to the gym for an hour. I cook dinner and then watch a programme and then clean. I sleep and wake up every few hours. Tonight was one of the first nights that I’ve been able to sit down and catch up on some of the reading I’ve been wanting to do with blog and stuff. I haven’t been able to blog properly because of busyness and tiredness.

How is it already 26th November? I’ve started some Christmas shopping, but barely any. I’ve already booked a table for my birthday dinner next year because we’re doing it with work people and we’ll be a large crowd.

I don’t seem to be able to catch my breath (partly now because I have an awful cold and sound like a rasping parrot), and it’s a little bit overwhelming. You know how you can get so busy you lose track of yourself? I feel like that. I’m wearing very “normal” clothes – all black for work, then straight into comfy jeans and a jumper in the evening. Yes, this is totally superficial in the light of all that is wrong with the world but this is my world.

Having to wear a skirt five days a week means I’m less likely to put on a dress or skirt at the weekend. I’m sticking to very plain clothes, and it makes me feel less like me. I miss my hippy dresses, my goth going out wear and the like. These amazing clothes are just sat in my wardrobe taking up space and laughing at me in my jean for the fourth time this week.

I’ve become detached from that style of clothes because I’ve had to for work. Do you also reach the point where you lose touch with your hobbies as well? I don’t feel particularly focused on anything at the moment, and the things I love are falling slightly by the wayside. I had a burst of beading inspiration recently, but since then I’ve barely touched anything.

I’m reading still, but since my Kindle has given up the ghost I’m on paper books and it’s a little less convenient. I’m working my way though a book called “Journal of the Plague Year” which is an omnibus of post-apocalyptic novellas that all work together to show one plague from different points in time and different places. I’m really enjoying it, and the approach has certainly been gripping. I was expecting it to be all different short stories, but this has felt more like one normal sized story that’s been split into different facets. Much enjoyment.

I’m going to get through to the end of NaBloPoMo even if it kills me, but I think I’ll need to take some time to recuperate soon. There are a few ideas that I want to do, but I need some time to pull them together and I just don’t have the energy right now. Sorry to moan chaps and chappesses.

How about you then? How do you combat this weird feeling of disconnectedness if you get it? How do you break out of a funk like this and back into normal?

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