Runes and Rhinestones

I'm a modern day Viking, navigating my way through a stormy sea of stuff.

Bossy.

Since when did being decisive become “bossy”?
I have a problem. I am naturally assertive, confident and capable. I am not often a retiring wallflower, and I wear my heart on my sleeve.
These traits do not a good waitress make. Or a good employee I guess. I am hurt that I was called bossy. I am hurt that I’m being told that being myself adds to an “unsettling” environment.
I work in a high paced environment. I see problems, I try to solve them. I tend to do that at high speed and I know that can be a bit abrupt.
What upsets me is that I am the one who has to make allowances. I am the one who has to change the way I am. I am the one that other people don’t have to make an effort to be on my level. People who do work at my level don’t get offended or upset, so at least there’s that.
My attitude is to get the job done – work first, play later. I am incredibly focused on getting the work done, and I can’t understand people who don’t do the same, particularly in a customer facing role where time is crucial.
I’m frustrated beyond all measure that I’m the one, again, who has to be more careful. Why is it not their turn to make changes for me?

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A friend by any other name.

With the fear of sounding maudlin and self obsessed, I’ve got a thing I need to talk out.
I’ve been mulling on the topic of friendship – simply put, what is friendship? I guess a social contract where you put something in and you get something out. It’s a give and take and both parties are happier for it. I just don’t really know what I give to my friends that means that these amazing people still want to hang out with me.
For those of you who haven’t met me, or read any of my other posts on here, I’m an overly serious, socially awkward oddbod with no idea about pop culture except some nerd stuff, and literally no ability to banter. Hi, nice to meet you :)
See, my friends (and family for that matter) are awesome. To a person they are smart, hilarious and supportive. Each of them makes my life richer, and I know how lucky I am to have them in my life. They are also all doing fabulous things -travelling, university, PHDs and so on.
You know how in some awful teen books (maybe I just read the wrong books??), there were certain characters -the sassy one, the clever one, the adventurous one? I don’t even know who I’d be. Maybe this is the point where you tell me to shut up, people are way more complicated than that and you definitely think too much.
I know that. I know I think too much about ridiculous things that mean I get sad and antsy. Thing is, I’ve counselled people before to give up on bad friendships and relationships where all they’re doing is sinking time and energy into someone who doesn’t make then happy. Those are bad relationships, and they are definitely not worth it.
I honestly don’t know what I give back to my friends. They make me laugh until I can’t breathe, they give me time when I need to rant and they keep me in their lives. I will always be thankful for them, and I just hope that whatever I give them is enough.

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